Don’t Panic, It’s Organic

Hello World.

Sorry for not updating… these past couple of weeks have been a blur of mixed emotions.

But today, I need some reassurance. I keep thinking about Eugene vs. Seattle. Eugene vs. Seattle. Seattle vs. Eugene.

I’ve been here at the University of Oregon for two terms now… and I just found out that a friend of mine is thinking about transferring to one of the two Washington schools.

Am I happy here? I mean, I love my friends. I love my dorms. But, when it comes to living here, I feel like I can’t expand. I miss my mom. I miss my town. I miss the University District. I miss the Seattle Weekly and the Stranger. I miss my life before college (not the high school part but the seattle/family/friends part).

I’m not sure whether I’m trying to live in the past, or if I’m trying to get everyone together again or if I’m really unhappy right now but not later. I dunno.

Someone reassure me. Please.

Oh, MJ!

Hello world!

Well, today has been full of good decisions, and I feel well about all of them. From leaving class early to work on an essay and study, to actually finishing said essay within an hour and a half… today has been good.

My coffee, which was the only bad decision (besides the Broccoli and cheese soup that wasn’t too soup-tastic), tasted good. My friends are generally happy. The world is a good place.

And yet, as I’m typing this in my dorm room, sitting on the floor (don’t judge! I feel more productive when I sit on the floor), I feel strange. Not necessarily sad, and not necessarily happy.

I figured it’s because our hall is a ghost town, what with midterm studyin’ and basketballin’, or maybe it’s because of the song I’m listening to

(“Oh, MJ!” by The Little Ones)

But today I just feel… well, I guess lonely would be the word to describe it. It’s hard to be by yourself in a different state and far away from the ones you love and the place you want to be. I mean, of course I love those I have met here. Without them, I would be living a pretty crappy life.

As the Beatles once said, “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.” I want to hold someone’s hand. I want to be here, listening to this sweet song, and be able to smile at someone and know they are here.

Nights like these are rough, but I pull through. Tomorrow is a new day full of coffee, books, tests, and probably more soup.

But it would sure be nice to hold someone’s hand.